Every mother of every teenage girl in every corner of the world will be touched by a mean girl. Maybe it was you, you were the mean girl, was burned by a mean girl, or lovely little daughter was burned and terrorized by the “mean girls”. It does not matter where you are at in the world, or what your social standing is, where you live, what your color or race is, sexual orientation, or age. “Mean Girls” do not discriminate who they victimize. We encountered this as my daughter’s sophomore year began. She had ended as described in her own words “the greatest summer ever!” I will never forget as she walked through the door one summer day around 4 weeks before summer break was drawing to an end. She walked through the door with several other girls and was introducing them, one in particular made my hair stand on end like a mother dog protecting her young.. there was nothing physically intimidating about this girl, she wasn’t really overly attractive, or even snooty, but something about her made an alarm go off. She smiled slightly and gave me a great big hug, Desirae’s Mom!! she squeaked! Her name was Julie..
Oh my over the next couple of weeks they were inseparable and all of Desirae’s other friends were starting to stay away. I ask her about it and Julia insisted they start inviting her other friends to hang out as well. That was even a bigger mistake. When school started back, I started to see less and less of all her friends, including Julie . I started asking her about it she would just sit in her room and not answer me. Her appearance started needing attention and she started having excuses not to go to school. She was not eating very much and became very withdrawn.
One day she had long sleeves on in what I considered a very hot day. I ask her about it she said she was cold all the time, she was reaching into the cabinet later that night and I almost collapsed on the floor when I saw what appeared to be cut marks on her arms.!! “Desirae! Oh My God what have you done?!” She insisted that she wouldn’t do it again and it was one of those things where everyone was doing it and she just thought she would try it. I made her read up on self harm and I done a daily check of her body for the next couple of months, still do from time to time. In the mean time she became more distant and withdrawn, I could see she was in pain. I ask her if she wanted to go to counselling and she refused. One night she finally had friends hanging out, they went out came back in I made sure she was fine I went to sleep sometime in the middle of the night she was drinking alcohol. She began a grounding that was very long. I couldn’t understand what was going on. Then I got curious, I know it was against everything I believed in I went through her social media messages.
She was being bullied on line by these girls, led by Julia, all her friends had teamed up with this nasty little girl and there it was in bold print they were telling rumors about her, making her life hell in every way at school and on social media.. I talked to Desirae she didn’t want to do anything about it, months later and her life still unraveling I made a decision with her fighting against it I went to the school for help. That they did , they explained that now days it is a criminal offense and they could serve time. Finally her life started to get better. It changed her and all her friends forever. She is stronger now and is doing well but now she is very careful in who she puts her trust in. Not every person who smiles at you means it in a friendly way. I am sorry she had to go through all that for what she believed to be a friendship.
So if you or someone you know is being bullied here are resource links and statistics:
So if you or someone you know is self harming or has developed an eating disorder here are links to statistics and help:
A national study reported that up to 23 percent of girls self-injure, which can include cutting or burning your skin; scratching to the point of bleeding; picking; and even embedding small objects into your flesh.
*1-800-DON’T-CUT – More info on self-injury *http://www.selfinjury.com
• The mortality rate associated with anorexia nervosa is 12 times higher than the death rate associated with all causes of death for females 15-24 years old.4
• Over one-half of teenage girls and nearly one-third of teenage boys use unhealthy weight control behaviors such as skipping meals, fasting, smoking cigarettes, vomiting, and taking laxatives
If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, we are here to help. Call our toll free, confidential Helpline at 1-800-931-223