Her forever image of a man…..


Stacy’s daughter was 3 years old when she finally left her abusive father. But the image he created in her mind of a man will burn forever. It robbed her of an innocence and a relationship with her daddy and left her with a seething hate for men.

Stacy says she often wonders how different she would have turned out if she  had not been such a coward and If she had left sooner. I she wonders about the things she had seen and how it had changed her even then as a little girl.” How at the tender age of three she would be trying to save me instead of me saving her. ” says Stacy.

How nights upon nights she would see her very own father pacing the hall ways, screaming her name, verbally attacking her, only to end with him beating Stacy unconscious. The next day repeating the previous. Stacy says, ” Our life was wonderful when he was not around, my first little girl I put all my attention and focus on her until her baby sister was born then it was the three of us, but before her sister, she was the center of my world now they both were. But when he walked in our world changed in the blink of an eye. It became a ritual for me to get beat and for me to tell her to run and hide , lock her and her sisters door, but she never would.

Soon she would be so small trying to defend me too. Then she even became more adult in signaling the neighbor of a problem with a blinking porch light off and on. It makes me sick now thinking of how grown up she had to be, all because I was such a coward. It makes me sick that her view and image of a man, will always be that of contempt.

” Stacy states that  She feels like her daugher will never be who she was meant to be due to the choices she made to stay as long as she did. Tears stream down her face as she tells me, “When I close my eyes I can only remember the exact moment when I knew we was getting out, he turned his violence toward her, he was cutting the side of my eye with a fish filet knife, he was saying he was going to cut out my eyeballs so I could never see my children again because he knew that would be the most hurtful thing he could ever do to me. I laid on the kitchen floor, right beside her large doll house she had been playing with that morning, and was bleeding and moaning when he came at me again and was kicking me in the side, she pulled the stairs from the doll house and proceeded to hit him with them. He back-handed my tiny little girl against the refrigerator .”

“I was on my feet at that point hitting him back, I don’t ever remember fighting back until that day. That as the last day we would spend in that violence again. But somehow her and I would be there in that moment for many years to come. That experience changed us forever.” She recalls her daughter , never played with dolls again, she never was a little girl again, she was a small adult.” Stacy says the that her and her two daughters went off on their  our own and wouldn’t have another man in the home until her daughter was 14. By that age she was a self-professed lesbian that hated men. Still does. She also states, ” I wonder though if she had not witnessed brutality of a man would she hate them so much?” She goes on to say, ” I am not saying it would have changed her sexual orientation, but it I know it would have changed her attitude, image, and relationships with men. It proves that one moment can forever change the clay that is being molded.”

Final thoughts from Simply Mommy:

Millions of women are living in this situation today, feeling as though they are unable to break free, as a result children are at the mercy of an abusive father/step father and a mother who is unable or two scared to break free. The are subjected to neglect, abuse, and intolerable living conditions as a result. In many cases the law enforcement , judical systems, and child protective services thier options are limited if a women is unwilling for fear or what ever reason to cooperate, because it is sometimes hard to prove what goes on behind close doors if people are unwilling to report. So how can we help these women and children? It starts by first empowering our children, empowering our women, providing easier reporting and making the domestic violence laws stricter. The public schools have also gotten on board and are sending counselers into the class rooms to try to detect, montitor, and provide resources if needed.  We have came along way since Stacy’s story in the earlier part of 2000’s, but we still have so much work ahead of us.

If you are reading this and you are in a domestic violence situation or you know someone who is here are some resources:

http://www.thehotline.org/

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