If I could do it again…


little girl prayingAs I walked out the door I said… I don’t have time.. now ringing in my ears, that is what I can hear me saying.. or the sound of the little pitter patter of their tiny little bare feet behind me the sound of my nursing shoes walking out the door…

The tears fill my eyes somedays as I remember the times they begged me for more time.. now I am begging for more time. Now they are too busy for me. One is moved out and away from home living her adult life, the other is in high school living out the last year here before college next year, the middle schooler who is a tween now is rolling his eyes and putting his head phones on to avoid me while muttering under his voice, now there is just logan and he still doesn’t beg for time because I am giving the time.

I am married now and I am a stay at home mother. When all the others were small I worked many hours as a nurse. The times now when I wished I would have cut back on things and lived simpler so I could be home with them more… Now my heart aches for time with them.. wait for the phone to ring, stay up so I can see a glimpse of my daughter or hope that game tears up so he will see me.

I can’t change any of that but it doesn’t stop me from.. longing to see my children need and want to talk to me again.. I know its going to get worse the older they get and have more full lives of their own. I miss them so much. I would love if they had the time to share their day with me, tell me about their mean boss, or their bitchy teacher. The phone never rings and as soon as they are here.. they are engrossed in their own little lives.

Final thoughts from Simply Mommy:

So mothers before your children are slipping away don’t let the pitter patter of tiny bare feet and the sound of yours leaving be the thing that haunts you cut back while you can. You can do it, cut back hours, budget tighter, stop chasing what the neighbor has, or what society thinks you should have… see them, talk to them, play with them.. before all you are doing is missing them…