Standing there outside, the wind blowing my hair, the sun warming my face on this cool fall afternoon, I closed my eyes and inhaled the crisp autumn air. My eyes closed just feeling amazing, I opened my eyes and started to think.. and when I did.. I was ashamed.
I get up everyday complaining about my job, you see I am a nurse and I find it very stressful, the long hours, demanding patients, over bearing boss’s, never satisfied doctors. I complain that I don’t get paid enough, I complain about the drive there, the traffic I have to fight to get there, the pay and everything.. then I was ashamed because I recall articles and documentaries on women from other countries who are still not allowed to have career’s and work outside the home. They are not allowed to go to college like I was to earn a degree. I am ashamed that women have died trying to give me this freedom that I detest some days and take for granted.
I complain about the cost of groceries, the quality of the food I purchase. I even take one bite and if I don’t like it I will just dump it. I complain about having to clean the cabinets and fridge before we buy groceries. I complain that my children are wasting food. Then I am ashamed because somewhere in the world, maybe down the street, or across town, or in another city, or another state, or country there is a mother much like me who will not see her children eat tonight, or tomorrow and then I am ashamed.
I complain about my clothes, they are outdated, I don’t have enough, the don’t fit right, we have too many, the laundry is overwhelming I say at times. I complain that the kids have too many or maybe not enough. Then I am ashamed that some people will never have the luxury of having new clothes maybe never in their life time.
I complain snooty, holier than though church goer’s , I complain that Jehovah witness’s knock on our doors, then I am ashamed because somewhere in the world people will die trying to practice their religion.
I complain about my home, it is too hot, it cost’s too much, its small, it has outdated furnishings, my bed … I need a new one this one is killing my back.. then I am ashamed because somewhere maybe even close to me someone has no where to lay down at night and call their home.
I complain that we have no freedom anymore.. I complain that our freedom’s are being striped away, I complain that we have tight security everywhere, I complain if I speed and get a ticket. Then I am ashamed because somewhere in the world they will truly never know a life of freedom that I take for granted daily and they have no laws that protect them from danger they live in a corrupt government.
So today while I stood taking my lunch break from a job that pays very well, I got ashamed.. ashamed of all that I have been given that I take for granted every day, that the things I complain about are the very things someone is dreaming about and hoping for somewhere else in the world. Then I bow my head humbly and say a prayer of thanks for everything I have been given the things make up.. The treasure that is my life… and the treasure that I never want to lose ever….