I Married A Ninja

Sexy Ninja Couple

Married life with children finding alone time or time for intimacy is sometimes a challenge that requires skills that you may have to learn.

My husband “bless his heart” (as we say in the South)  and I live double lives as secret ninja’s. Now I don’t mean that literally. Simply put we had to  acquire certain “sneak skills” in order to find time to be intimate or find time to be alone. These skills are required and we begin learning them simply out of a need to survive.. First skill you will learn is the

“Don’t wake the sleeping baby ninja move”

1 we inch off the bed one centimeter at a time, making sure the sheets doesn’t make noise.

I Need a shower and bathroom break ninja move…

2) we then learn to glide and slink across the floor much like a feline stalking her prey.. instead of walking.

I am so frickin hungry  haven’t eaten in 16 hours kinda ninja move..

3) We become masters at opening and shutting cabinet/bathroom/and fridge  doors that make as much noise as an old Charlie Chapman film.

4) I need chocolate or sweets ninja move.

We learn to take wrappers off or open stuff, eat it dispose of it, and no one ever knew it was in the house…

 

5) We need to make love before we start sleep climaxing…ninja move.Sexy Ninja Couple 2

By far the most complicated of all…  it seems as though it doesn’t matter how big your house is, or how many rooms apart you and  children are from each , they always wake up right at the most in opportune times…  I mean these kids.. they literally have a “sexdar”! So you may  find yourself getting so desperate that  you would literally at times have to use all these ninja moves in order to have a 30 sec love making session  crawl on your knees gliding like a feline… you eventually find the only place they can’t hear or sense your lovemaking could be the bathroom floor, and when your 30 seconds of ecstasy is over you both are on the floor in a fit of laughter thinking of how crazy this has become!!

 

But you don’t care, You love this person and  you would take on the biggest secret mission of all because you love each other and these kids that much….

 

My life so it seems

As the alarm clock sounds she reaches  over and hits the snooze for the second time and pulls the cover tighter around her, she says silently in her mind” I don’t want to go to work… I want to smell coffee brewing, I want to be fully awake already and out of the shower. But here I still lay here dreading the day… Why? I never used to dread my days. I used to bounce out of bed ready to embrace what life had to offer or juggle what ever it threw at me. But that was then, when I felt younger, when the lines  of worry and age were not so deep and many on my face. Back then when he loved me like crazy.” She  glanced beside her where he lays there sleeping, he looks as though he doesn’t have a care in the world, she  wishes that was her, sleeping without a care in the world.

As she looks at him  while he sleeps her  mind drifts back in time to a place where he used to love her without condition. Now it seems there is a condition put on everything. She looked at his phone, she asked him who was on the phone, she asks what time he would be off work. Everything has changed as it usually does at this time in marriage. Around the time where you have to sit and wonder where you stand with the person you love.

She never understood that, why if you already hadn’t made up your mind if you want to be married why wait until your life is built with someone then play the guessing game.. Do I love this person? Do I want to spend the rest of my life with them. Don’t you think you should have ask the DO I’s before the I DO was sealed in a court of law?

But yet so many do this and the other one is sitting as the other proclaims how things have changed, no they didn’t you did, you changed your mind and you don’ have the courage to just say it…. she thinks” So this is my life so it seems playing the memory game, playing the guessing game. I do say to myself if you don’t make up your mind I will make up mine, I will make my mind up to not let this hurt me anymore.”

Let’s Talk

Let’s talk… The opening no husband or wife wants to hear. But through out our relationship we will hear that one or more times. This statement is as scary as waking a baby in the middle of the night. It can range from..  a simple “You forgot to take out the garbage for the millionth time” to I am leaving you, or I am gay// a dreaded quote from hubby. or wifey.

So how we handle this statement is as important as the statement it’s self. Now if you are in the position that is “I am leaving you, I don’t love you anymore, I am gay, we are broke, I lost all our money… I suggest letting them finish even though in your mind you have already killed them 20 different ways. Next ask if you can respond..

Now this is tricky because you are most definitely have killed them 40 ways in your mind by now, your are so angry and hurt the tears are stinging your eyes, your stomach is in a knot and you can’t hear anything but your heart pounding in your ears and your are waiting for it to stop, and the last words they said still ringing in them.. so slow down.. think of how much you love them… think of how you want their happiness and love too. Start with questions. Let them answer. Now ask what can we do.. Now after the conversation has ended ask if you can take a few minutes to step out… Now… Go where you can.. scream, cry if you have to… throw up if you need to, wash your face.. Look in the mirror…

Now again think of how much you love them and how much you want them to be happy. Now think of what they said is there anything you can help them with, change for them.. not talking about yourself changes.. unless you are a cheating raging bi**. then please change.. Now after you have thought about it. Go back in there fighting like a champ for them.. Unless they say… THere is nothing you can do its over .. Now you must, can, and will go on…

Broken…. You broke me

Adults everywhere as well as young people have all felt as though they have been broken by the object of their affections. You will never forget that moment when that person broke you. Even if you stay together that feeling will never go away. Now the angelic, holy than thou will tell you to forgive and forget.

But that moment when that person broke you burns in your mind and heart as much as the first kiss you shared burns on your lips.. Everytime you have an argument it becomes a weapon, everytime you get intimate it becomes a wall, everytime you smile it becomes a frown. Can we ever get passed that hurt? I am not sure the answer is as easy as that. Sometimes I think we just choose to bury it in a place so deep that we can dismiss it so it doesn’t do to much damage, for others it destructs the relationship even if they decide to stay, demolition that can’t ever be repaired, we become a different version of ourselves, one that we may not like.. and for the other percent of us.. we decide to move on.. leave.. the person that broke us..

Although that broken feeling they gave us is burned on our heart and soul forever, so is the first kiss you shared still burned on your lips.. all this even the good times that probably out weighed that broken feeling are just memories, memories that could have kept building if it wasn’t for foolish pride.. and a feeling of broken  from anyone else ,we will block with a wall of self contempt in our hearts, that even a wrecking ball or the sweetest, truest of loves will never break. That is sad..

Final thoughts from Simply Mommy:

So ask yourself, Is your broken really that broken… that you will suffer a lifetime without the one you love by your side, the both of you loving each other, separately possibly sharing children, and living with other significant others who will never have all of you.. all of your love, because you are broken and prideful. Now you are lonely as is everyone in your life..

Intimacy and other things…

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This is always really uncomfortable to talk about but lets face it when we are married with children, plus the fact we are getting older decreases our sex drives in many ways. The many culprits cannot be avoided. But we got this one in the bag here are a few ways you can at least get in the mood enough times a month that won’t leave o your husband/partner running the other direction from your crazy butt.

  1. Please ladies… including myself. Shave your legs.. Yes I said shave your legs. I know its so hard to find the time, but just pickup that razor and do it. Every night you are never going to get laid with hairy legs, and you won’t feel much like getting laid looking like that.
  2. Get as much rest as possible, its hard to feel sexy when you are running on 5 minutes of sleep. If you have kids and you need help with this ask hubby, I am sure he won’t mind giving up the 6 oclock news to get his freak on later that night. trust me..
  3. Give up the yoga pants a couple of days a week.. I know I love mine too but trust me your husband and you will love it if you can just pry those off once in a while now … slide into something sexy but comfortable.
  4. A scent.. no not talking about baby spit up, dirty laundry smell from mountains of laundry.. shower girl spritz on his or your favorite scent.
  5. Here it goes the dirty word.. EXERCISE yes that is right just a minimum of 30 minutes a day will do wonders for your mood and your body appearance.
  6. Lip gloss.. yes make those lips kissable…
  7. Make those eyelashes pop.. he will love seeing that come hither look in those eyes…
  8. If you want.. a glass of wine helps relax.. not the whole damn bottle.. a glass will do.
  9. Touch your man.. often through the day brush his hand. squeeze his arms, kiss his lips.. you will start feeling it. I swear.
  10. If all else fails.. watch porn.. …JUST kidding..hahaha unless that is your cup of tea..

I need this in my life.. as you should

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In any marriage as the three to four year mark approaches so do things like.. honey moon phase is over. With this brings a whole new territory of unpleasantries. The hot to die for sex.. well it kind of dies a slow death between child rearing, building a home and life, careers, traffic, debt, and other family obligations. We forget the time we used to make for each other, the contempt about an argument, money, or other problem has us in a corner of our own and we are declaring war on each other and the first line of arsenal in your war is with holding intimacy.

Now I know some of you are shaking your head and rolling those eyes… thinking well maybe you had these problems or having these problems but not us.. Ok be honest .. ladies we will start with you.. When you first got with your husband you would never let him near you with morning breath.. you would slip to the bathroom smooth your hair, brush your teeth, yes sneak a little mascara and lip gloss spritz on a little smell good… so he thinks you wake up looking like a sex goddess. PJ’s hell no! you would never dream of it.. his t shirts, sexy night wear.. yes ..  Never be caught in your pj’s all day, hair a mess, farting in front of him, belching… possibly taking a tinkle in front of him…

And you Mr… yes you.. what’s up with never shaving anymore, you farting, scratching, positioning your balls, taking 12 hour naps, bear breath, and did you forget to tell her she is beautiful or reach for her out of passion at night? Ok the both of you listen up…  remember when you used to sit up all night talking? Making love? Playing like children? Making plans? Dancing under the stars? Date nights? Remember when you cared about everything? Me too. I remember the way we loved each other, why do years need to change that? Don’t I still find you sexy? Yes.. I do when I look at you, I think how lucky am I? How did I get this handsome man to look my way. You are still my fantasy, I still think of you taking me everywhere, anywhere, anytime…. I want you to talk to me all night. We used to lose sleep to spend that time together, not anymore. Is this the 30 to life I am looking at? This diluted version of us?

Final thoughts from Simply Mommy:

This is my worry.. that between all of  our responsibilities to others that we forget our responsibilities to each other.. so come on over here baby make me remember why I said “Forever” and meant it…… So ladies and guys lets keep our love strong and hot… lets make it last forever.. just like we promised each other in the begining.

The Split Heart Syndrome.. (In love With Two People)

hand holding Sometimes relationship lines are blurred let me explain. Remember my opinion is just that an opinion. When you have had a long relationship good or bad with any kind of ending a mutual agreement, or not, a good ending or not a good ending you have both learned to depend on each other in a way that you have probably not shared with anyone else. Things you do for each other that you just haven’t entrusted to anyone else. So when you enter into a new relationship and you are still in this other relationship no it’s not a romantic one but still it is a relationship that has intimacy. Any relationship that has intimacy with the opposite sex will steal intimacy from your romantic relationship.

Let’s go into a little story. Kelly was in a romantic relationship with the father of her son’s. It lasted 10 years, that in my book is a long relationship and in those 10 years they shared a lot of things with each other and  had grown to trust each other and depend on each other as friends as well as lovers.

The problem with this is that in the process they had let their other friendships fall by the way side so they  depended on each other more. So after the separation it was just easier to continue the friendship part  and this would prove to be a very difficult arrangement for their  future prospective partners.

He would mow her lawn, baby sit, they used each others cars if they needed to, loaned each other money if needed, made sure the other had lunch, so on and so on. This would be alright in the grand scheme of things if it didn’t stop them from truly moving on and in a sense it did.

They didn’t really need anyone else, they constantly talked on the phone,  shared other aspects of each other’s lives , shared family, friends and children. This would in the future cause heart ache for anyone who tried to get romantically involved with them.

The truth is they had been in a 10 year relationship where the romantic side had ended somewhere around the fourth year, but they continued living as a couple for many years after that. So around the 6 year mark they started to try to date other people and in her heart all along she believed they still were in love and  were just needing space, this proved disastrous for all involved.

They had so many un resolved feelings, on top of the fact that they  were there for each other in a way no one could compete with. No they weren’t in a romantic, sexual relationship but the intimacy was still very clear to everyone. So 10 years down the road she met her husband Steve.

He would clarify this blurred line and put this to rest once and for all. In a loving, patient, non threatening manner of , because that is just the type of man Steve was a strong, confident loving, patient man.

She grew love and admire him so much. She  her ex had always constantly consoled each other, shared the days on the phone, supported each other, and consulted each other. Where did this leave Steve in this triangle?

 He eventually got to the point he didn’t know either so  he came and spoke with her about it , it kind of made her ashamed but he told me in such a kind way he didn’t want to rob them of such a great friendship but it was taking away from their marriage. After all if she was depending on another man for her source of comfort and friendship then all she was giving  Steve was sex and sharing the finances.

The thought blew her out of the water? What had she been thinking? It was a hard conversation not only with her, but he had the same conversation with her ex on the phone, they both now had to learn to have a different kind of relation ship after so many years like this, how would this work?

It’s like other habit to break, her heart broke at first and so did his, he was left virtually alone hadn’t been dating, now he had to start fresh and so did she in a sense but this was so awkward for all of them.

Now I am happy to report years down the road they don’t blur that line anymore, They still are there for each other but it is clear that is for the children at all times. It was a hard friendship to lose, but now they have a different kind of friendship that doesn’t take away from  other relationships.

So the truth is you can’t love two people at once… no one in this is getting what they need. It is hurtful even if not intended to be that way. You can still care for one another , want the best for each other, but  your best  should be husband/partner/wife..  

She says now: “I thank God every day for such a wise husband he could have been like everyone else and gave up on me. And then where would that have left my ex and I if I had never met Steve? Trapped in the past unable to share our love with each other or anyone else.. “